I had never lived in a home empty of people. No noise. Quiet. Alone.

Silence can be loud.

Raising 5 children, life was always twirling around me. Silence was sought out, but never the norm.

It was a process to watch each child grow up and leave the nest. I LOVED being a mom with all my little chicks under my wings. I did NOT welcome this new season. But I am grateful. Isn’t that a main goal when raising children?

I realized there is a grieving process moms go through on this forced path of having grown kids. So I allowed myself to walk through the sadness of change while moving towards my new life season.

There was a grief process as some children left and a few got married. But I still had one son at home while others brought me grandchildren. Over the years, I had 7 grandchildren who all lived in the Orlando area. I relished seeing them often.

But in Dec. 2012 the start of many changes began. My youngest son got happily married leaving my home void of kids. I was alone for the first time in my life. Then, over the next year, all 7 grandchildren moved away. A big difference for a grandma!

Over the months, on some nights, I kept driving around stopping at stores, just wasting time. Then it dawned on me … I’m avoiding my empty quiet home. This new alone life was difficult for me.

One night, while avoiding home, I felt the darkness of despair hovering over me. I recognized this depression and knew I had to face it head on so I would not be permanently engulfed.

I have learned to look at my thoughts and write them down. Somehow identifying words and seeing them written out awakened me to the lies they were.  What words were subconsciously floating in my mind?

What did I hear?

You are now all alone and no one wants to be with you

Everyone is busy with their lives without you

You are not wanted

I knew the power of capturing our thoughts. I began even speaking out loud the truth that I am NEVER ALONE because God will never leave me or forsake me. His love is steady and constant.

There is power in speaking truth instead of believing and meditating on lies. I spoke truth to replace the unloving, deceptive lies of despair. Over a few weeks, the darkness broke and I could feel joy again.

My circumstances have not changed, but I understand the valuable need to grieve as a mom while walking through our seasons of life. And I’ve experienced the power of meditating on God and His steadfast love for me through the process.

May you be encouraged to embrace the seasons of life you are given. There are treasures and trials in each season. And they all pass way too fast!

Sandy Traugott

About Sandy Traugott

The “reality of eternity" is woven throughout Sandy Traugott life’s tapestry. Drawn to Jesus at 10 years old, she grew up writing her questions and thoughts to her Lord. Instead of a career, she pursued the Word of God at Florida Bible College. After graduating, she joined the staff at a ministry duplicating Francis & Edith Schaeffer’s ministry, L’Abri. After marriage, Sandy’s family became her ministry focus. She home schooled their five children, 3 sons, and 2 daughters, for 20 years. Throughout her life circumstances, she has learned He alone is her only hope and joy. Sandy has had deep sorrow intertwined with joy. After a car accident, her 13-year-old son Daniel entered his heavenly home. Her granddaughter Esther Grace, is also safely tucked with Jesus. Sandy's nine endearing grandchildren call her “Nonni.” Sandy is excited to be serving in many areas at Discovery Church and she delights in facilitating "Refresh Retreats." Refresh with God

11 Comments

  • Sandy says:

    I hear and understand all these thoughts. I to found my self filling my time wondering around and feeling so lonely. It’s so real and only God can be with us at that point. Thank you for sharing and being a friend . Love you

  • Elizabeth Watler says:

    Excellent. This is my season of life also. Thanks.

  • Susan Anderson says:

    Thoughtful article Sandy! I can empathize with your feelings of being alone. I am thankful you have your God so you don’t feel without worth! I am glad you have spread your wings to fly in different directions! Thank you for your many talents and sharing them with us!

  • Kelley . Splitter says:

    Sweet friend what an encouragement you are to many. I often think of you and your story, even today I thought of you while in worship as I grieved the lose in my life. Am I allowed to openly grieve, to weep? Will joyfulness mark my life or will grief?
    Perhaps both. feeling alone, sometimes afraid. I look to Christ and I feel so weak, other say how strong I am but I am not. I am grateful that scripture reminds us that this is light and momentary affliction. It gives me hope and hope calms the storm and allows the light to shine through. You my friend allow the light to shine brightly. Thank you for living a testimony of Christ.

    • Of course you are allowed to weep and grieve openly! There is a time for tears and for laughter. During one season I cried for years and never thought I would stop, but God will embrace us and hold our tears. Much love to you as you walk through this storm.

  • bonmedi says:

    Beautiful, Sandy.

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