“Where were you God? I hate you God! Why didn’t you stop them God? Why didn’t you protect me?” These unending questions rise from the deep seated pain of so many of us who have been sexually abused. We want a clear-cut answer, we want God to apologize to us. We can’t imagine how a loving, kind God could turn His back on us during such tragedy and devastation.
One of my assignments in a sexual abuse recovery class instructed me to write a letter to God asking Him these very tough questions and to freely pour out my anger and emotions to Him. What I heard from Him was nothing I could have ever imagined.
“Darci, I was there. I tried to get your abusers to stop and I tried to get your family to protect you and intervene, but they did not know me. My dear Darci, those who do not know me, do not know my voice. I was weeping for you the entire time.”
These sweet words from the Lord helped heal my heart. It was the beginning of my understanding to the brokenness my abusers were living in. And then the Lord took me a step further:
“My precious daughter, your abusers were once innocent children themselves and they were raised in brokenness. If you were to write a letter to those abused, innocent children, what would you say?”
This revelation led my heart into a place which only the Holy Spirit can lead us. I made the connection that I had something in common with my abusers: brokenness. I began to weep for those little children and pray for them. My anger and hatred slowly turned into love for the lost and broken.
I was able to give my abusers over to the Lord and realized, God is the only one who will bring judgement upon them and justice for what they did to me. Jesus endured the pain and died for me so I wouldn’t have to carry any pain, anger or bitterness toward them as a result of what I experienced.
I will never forget the damage they did to me or what they stole from me, but I am free in Christ now and the memories will be used for good to help heal others.
Jesus pursues us with His love, desiring that we hear His voice. He can use our pain to bring us into the fullness of loving others and help them find healing in Him as well.
Do you need healing in your life today? If you are a survivor of sexual abuse and you’re ready to experience healing, consider learning more about Beyond the Silence www.discoverychurch.org/sexual-abuse/.
Do you need healing in a different area? Discovery offers several ministries www.discoverychurch.org/care/ that can be a blessing to you. I’m praying for you and for healing in your life in a significant way.
And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28 (NLT)