This month, we celebrate Ashley Sue Mallillin for being a woman of influence who is using her pain to encourage others. We hope you will be inspired by her story.
“Twelve years ago, I made the worst decision of my life. I was young, ignorant and afraid. I just found out I was pregnant with my (then) boyfriend’s baby. Without saying anything to anyone, we decided we were going to go through with the pregnancy. However, after five months of secrecy, he decided he couldn’t be a father yet and that we shouldn’t go through with having the baby. Feeling alone and even more afraid, I agreed and waited on what we were going to do next.
FIVE months into the pregnancy, I had an abortion. It was a baby girl. No, it wasn’t in a hospital… it was in a small, dark house of some woman I didn’t know. I will never forget the first words she said as she pulled that tiny baby out from me,“Oh she’s beautiful, her nose is so pointed and sharp.” I named her Nicole and I loved her.
Every day since, I wish I had fought for her. I wish I had the courage to tell someone, more importantly, my family. They would have helped me, they would have been there for me. I wouldn’t have felt alone, I wouldn’t have felt that abortion was my only choice. I wouldn’t have allowed my baby girl’s life to be taken. She would have had a chance at life.
In September 2016, my husband and I went through a miscarriage. I thought God was finally punishing me for what I’d done years ago, the dark secret I’d kept for so long. I cried out to Him and He reminded me of His unconditional love. He used my miscarriage to remind me to take responsibility for my past sin so that I can experience freedom (Psalm 32:5) and see His glory revealed.
In January of 2017, I finally confessed to my parents and shared my story with our pastor and his wife. I told them I wanted to get baptized again to symbolize my full surrender and renewed freedom from bondage. By the next month, we found out I was pregnant. God blessed us with a healthy baby girl!
The enemy no longer has a hold in my life. God’s Spirit of Truth set me free and blessed me. I praise Him for delivering me from my sin so that His glory and His work can be displayed.
I thank God for my family’s forgiveness and acceptance.
I thank God for His forgiveness and grace. I thank Him for His mercy that I could come to Him, as flawed as I am, and that He still sees His daughter whom He loves and who has purpose in His Kingdom.
To my sweet baby girl, Nicole, “I love you.♥”
If you are seeking healing from the trauma of abortion, Discovery Church offers a highly confidential support group that can help. Click here for more information.