I had never lived in a home empty of people. No noise. Quiet. Alone.
Silence can be loud.
Raising 5 children, life was always twirling around me. Silence was sought out, but never the norm.
It was a process to watch each child grow up and leave the nest. I LOVED being a mom with all my little chicks under my wings. I did NOT welcome this new season. But I am grateful. Isn’t that a main goal when raising children?
I realized there is a grieving process moms go through on this forced path of having grown kids. So I allowed myself to walk through the sadness of change while moving towards my new life season.
There was a grief process as some children left and a few got married. But I still had one son at home while others brought me grandchildren. Over the years, I had 7 grandchildren who all lived in the Orlando area. I relished seeing them often.
But in Dec. 2012 the start of many changes began. My youngest son got happily married leaving my home void of kids. I was alone for the first time in my life. Then, over the next year, all 7 grandchildren moved away. A big difference for a grandma!
Over the months, on some nights, I kept driving around stopping at stores, just wasting time. Then it dawned on me … I’m avoiding my empty quiet home. This new alone life was difficult for me.
One night, while avoiding home, I felt the darkness of despair hovering over me. I recognized this depression and knew I had to face it head on so I would not be permanently engulfed.
I have learned to look at my thoughts and write them down. Somehow identifying words and seeing them written out awakened me to the lies they were. What words were subconsciously floating in my mind?
What did I hear?
You are now all alone and no one wants to be with you
Everyone is busy with their lives without you
You are not wanted
I knew the power of capturing our thoughts. I began even speaking out loud the truth that I am NEVER ALONE because God will never leave me or forsake me. His love is steady and constant.
There is power in speaking truth instead of believing and meditating on lies. I spoke truth to replace the unloving, deceptive lies of despair. Over a few weeks, the darkness broke and I could feel joy again.
My circumstances have not changed, but I understand the valuable need to grieve as a mom while walking through our seasons of life. And I’ve experienced the power of meditating on God and His steadfast love for me through the process.
May you be encouraged to embrace the seasons of life you are given. There are treasures and trials in each season. And they all pass way too fast!